I'm needing to vent and it looks like this is how I'm going to do it. As of yesterday 10/12/10 Peyton was diagnose with autism. I've always had a feeling that he could have but always hoped for the best. Hoping for the best didn't prepare me for the words "your son does have autism!" My heart fell to the ground and my head became full of thoughts. They ended it with handing us pamphlets and saying good-bye, meanwhile I'm thinking lets retest, did she say forever, and no where close to talking. Yeah while most mothers say their kids are driving them crazy because they wont shut-up I'm wishing I could just talk to him like I can with Christopher. I held back my tears while we were at the appointment. It wasn't until I call my parents and when they asked how I was doing, if I was OK, I couldn't get any words out. It was then when I just cried, I cried for so many reasons! I cried because I'm sad, mad, confused, relieved,overwhelmed, but of course not limited to! I kind of just don't even know what to feel, I just know I have so many feelings and thoughts right now. I was able to talk to my good friend Katie, which helped so much! I was so glad NOT to here "it's going to be OK" ugh I know it is, later down the road we will all be fine but right now in THIS moment I don't feel OK!! She was able to boost me up and made me feel like I'm strong(even though I don't feel like I am)also that I can hit this head on!!! She said everything I just need to hear and I'm so lucky to have her as a friend! My parents are wonderful to, I know they have my back and the fact that they want to learn more about autism, as well as, ways to help communicate with Peyton speaks volumes! My friend charity even wanted to know about it and asked so many questions and that just showed me she loves Peyton and wants to know every she can, so I am for sure starting to feel the support and realized that I'm not going through this alone!!! Today I also had the support from his therapist(Yana) god love her I had SO many questions for her! One question I asked was: Me "the doctor said he is FAR from being able to talk, so what does this mean, I'm going to have a five year who still cant talk to me?" Yana-" I don't want to sugar coat anything, he could very well be five and not be talking or maybe saying a couple." M-" I hope we can prove it wrong."
I'm just trying to deal with the fact of FORever, but I think once we start taking classes and going to support groups I'll start to feel better because right now I'm just thinking "now what" and I've started doing some reading on just that! One thing I am glad about is the fact that everything I feel right now is normal!
I'm just trying to deal with the fact of FORever, but I think once we start taking classes and going to support groups I'll start to feel better because right now I'm just thinking "now what" and I've started doing some reading on just that! One thing I am glad about is the fact that everything I feel right now is normal!
5 comments:
I'm so sorry.
I can't even imagine what you must be feeling..
on another note..take comfort in knowing that God knew you were going to be his mother, and he has placed him in the best of hands :)
It will all work out!
I am so sorry to hear about your son, but have faith it will be ok. even though I haven't talked to you in a while, through your post you seem like a great mom and a strong woman who will make the best of it. As you face what your facing I want to leave you with some thing I once read and helped me through my hard time. "when something happens that provokes the initial reaction of "why me?" or "why us?" stop and think. Maybe this circumstance is a gift, and you have been chosen to receive it because you are special; you have been anointed. When things happen so that the work of God might be displayed, it is an honor beyond measure." God has a wonderful plan for your family. I will be praying for you.
Thanks ladies that is one thing I keep telling myself, that the lord doesnt give you more than you can handle! Anna I've writen down what you put and it is now on my fridge! That will for sure give me the boost i need for when i'm feeling low! Thanks again ladies for your kind words of encouragement!
Well, this sucks, and I know that you and Danny together can work through this. Plus, I know that there is so much research being done to help kids with autism, and though it probably will never be super ok, at least you have answers. I feel like a slacker for not seeing this until now, but if you need anything, I am always around. Granted, I propably would not be much help, but by golly I sure would give it my best. It is like everyone else said and this is nothing that you can't handle. And, totally off the subject, you haven't spammed me since I told you, so maybe changing the password worked? HA
Thanks heather for the support, I took a day or two too wallow and now I'm feeling better! As long as peyton stays the funny,random ,loving little boy that I know I'll be just fine! I'll take all the bad! I've been reading that the more intervention the better so thats what were going to be doing! Ha good i'm glad it stopped! sooorrryyy
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